Part 3 of The gDiaperies: The Toilet and "Clean" Zone

Lesson #3: Dealing with poo does not need to be a dirty job. Truly! Well, poo is dirty and you will need to clean it but what I mean is, you don't need to get all up in it. When Steve and I signed up for cloth diapering the first thing we both thought was "there is no way I am touching poo". When I sought out the council of my friend Katie she informed me of a magical diaper tool that would make all messed go away. You want to know what it is? A diaper sprayer. It's heavenly. I never thought I could get so excited about a glorified shower head sprayer but hey...I've never touched poo!

My Diaper Cleaning Zone

My diaper "cleaning" zone is a place of organization and assembly. The last thing you want is a nasty diaper with no place to go. My husband and I have come up with a systematic method of dealing with our diapers that have made the cleaning process smooth sailing.

Step #1: Lift up the toilet lid (sounds good so far?)

Step #2: Remove diaper sprayer from holder and turn on

The *Magical* Toilet Sprayer

Step #3: Hold your poopy diaper over the toilet and spray poo into toilet (I find it easiest to remove the pant from the snap in liner and just hold the liner over the toilet).

Step #4: Flush!

Step #5: Turn sprayer off and return to holder. Be sure to clear the line for water build-up.

Step #6: Throw pant into pant basket and liner/cloth into diaper pail lined with glaundry bag.

Add a sprinkle of baking soda to absorb the odor, if you so desire.

Step #7: Close all lids and leave.

It's that simple! Isn't that just lovely? You bet it is. So don't fear fiddling with poo any longer, cleaning cloth can be a simple spray away.

Confessions of a Dyslexic Librarian

I am Dyslexic! Believe it or not. And some might find in ironic that I am also a Librarian. Go figure. It is a complete contradiction, don't you think? I mean who is their right mind would voluntarily aspire to duke it out with a well of words each day when they struggles with processing phonics? Who? Me!

I have not "officially" been diagnosed with this learning disability but I am confident that I have it. I have always struggled with words as far back as I can recall. Reading, writing, and although you might not believe it, verbalizing. I remember being called on to read out loud in elementary school and being terrified. "Christine, could you read page 96?" It caused me major anxiety; I would freeze. It was embarrasing when I could not sound out a word. My mouth would say it but my brain would not process it. Lib-er-a-tion...? I would hear it but I could not spit it out. Or I would sound it out totally wrong. It has been a silent struggle in my life but I have come to grips with it.

In university, two things got to me to graduation: spell check and Steve. I am so thankful for both of them. On my own I would scan through my thesis papers and not see the mistakes. I would not hear the incorrect usage of sentences or misspelled words. It was a cure! It was a massive frustration! I am certain that if it were not for these two things assisting me in those four years, I may have failed school.

Even now, as a well educated adult I still get my words all turned around. I will be thinking about what I will say next while I am still writing in the now. I will often go back to what I wrote and go "WTH?" What was I trying to say here? It makes no sense. I read diaries from my high school days and am convinced that if an outsider got a hold of them, they would think I was a crackhead. Seriously!

So I write this as an encouragement to anyone out there who might be struggling with the same obstacle. You can walk with it. Don't let it bring you down. One tip I have embraced that has helped me so much is to SLOW DOWN! When you read... when you write... when you talk (I am still working on the talking). If you adopt this I promise you can accomplish anything!

Your Friendly Neighbourhood Dyslecix (that was a joke) Librarian,

Christine

 

What Have I Been Reading Lately?

I was reading through some of my old posts and realized I have diverged away from my original focus and that was to blog about my bookworm alter ego. I am not sure what that means exactly, but I am pretty sure it has something to do with my love of reading. So I figured I should smart'n up and write about what I have been reading lately.

1. "Seriously, I'm Kidding" by Ellen Degenesis

I found that like anything written by Jenny McCarthy, this book was entertaining. It's humor is undeniable and expected as it was written by a former comedian. Although I found myself oddly annoyed in particular chapters. I felt preached at on topics like American Idol or the values of meditation. I was bored. However I did appreciated other sessions emphasising the importance of the human experience; underlying topics like kindness and basic courtesy. It got me thinking and laughing, I love that. So I give this book a solid 3 1/2 bookmarks out of 5.

2. "What to Expect The First Year" by Heidi Murkoff

LOVE THIS! That sums it up. This book has been such an awesome help in navigating developmental milestones for my baby's first year. It's well laid out and easy to surf through. Simply awesome!

3. The Original "Calvin and Hobbes" by Bill Watterson

This imaginative, childlike cartoon is a classic. It is so cleaver that humor just pours out of it. When I first met my husband he was a big cartoon fan. He read Calvin and Hobbes, Far Side, anything that was culturally relevant and funny. I thought they were lame and childish. I stayed uninterested in comic for years. Then a while back, I started to wonder what the big deal was so I cracked one open and the rest is history. I laughed so hard I nearly peed my pants. I found myself being taken on a journey through each cell that I could not put down. To this day I still enjoy picking one up just for a laugh.

4. "Today's Parent" Magazine

I love Today's Parent. I have been reading it over a year and would sum it up as mindless reading. However it has a tonne of helpful articles on parenting, cooking, vacationing, etc. I love that I can pick it up anytime during the day and read something completely new. At the end of every month, I wait around for it to arrive in my mailbox like a kid a Christmas. It's nice to have light material hanging around to browse whenever you feel up to it.

5. The Bible

My Bible is my daily bread. I have read many self help books in my time and none have compared to the power of God' Holy Word! It is so instructional and relevant to our present day. I encourage anyone who is even remotely interested to peruse it's pages and find comfort in them.

So these are some titles I have been juggling recently. I'll try to keep you posted!

Things I Do Repeatedly in a Day that Keeps me Humble

I've noticed recently that I have adapted to a bizarre domestic routine that is so repetitive, I wonder where my days go. I seriously loss count on how often I do these things. Some I dread, some I detest, some I quite enjoy. But I find that doing these simple tasks over and over each day keeps me strangely humble.

1. Feed my family a meal that is as balanced as I can swing
2. Pick up the balance meal off the floor
3. Sweep the balance meal I could not pick up off the floor
4. Take a deep breath and say a little prayer
5. Rinse off my daughter food tray, sanitize, and store away
6. Listen to my newly tattering daughter whack her head off the floor again
7. Cuddle and kisses to stop the tears and away she goes
8. Smell something funky? Diaper Change!
9. Turn on Veggie Tales Worship CD just to see my daughter bop around
10. Daughter tries to dance standing up and whack
11. Cuddle and kisses to stop the tears and away she goes again
12. Eye rub and a fuss...nap time?
13. Make bottle
14. Feed little one the bottle
15. Take another deep breath and say a prayer
16. Pick up the toy bomb and put it away in assigned bins
17. Do some chores
18. Baby cries...
19. Deep breath and a prayer
20. Start at 1 again

This is my new life! Sometime I get to go for walks, outings, and playgroups. It makes me feel like a rebel to my schedule. BWAHAHAHA! Take that routine! But who am I kidding? I am a sucker for order so this is typically my life. And so long as you can keep a secret I will tell you this, I do get tired, I do get bored, but I would not change a second of my life as a Mom for anything in the world.

A Brief Intermission to The gDiaperies: "I Had a Dream!"

So I had a dream last night that I attended a "magical" gconference. It started like this: I walk into this beautiful building blinded by light bursting from every angle. As I enter, I am greeted at the door by a friendly woman who hangs me a gtot. After a little chat, she tells me to make my way around the building to the many stations set up. As I travel from booth to booth, I am approached by a helpful gExpert and given free "samples". gPants, gCloths, and get this hand knit gLegwarmers? By the end of my dream, my tot was literally overflowing with gTreasures. The best part? There was no ravenous mommy mod trampling me to get the "goods" before I could. I woke up unbelievably calm, wishing it has been real. Because of this dream I was "awakened" to an entirely new level of my cloth diapering addiction. I think I might need a shrink...?

Part 2 of The gDiaperies: Making Homemade Wipes

Lesson #2: Homemade wipes are as equally cost efficient and easy to use as cloth diapers. True story!

My Homemade Cloth Wipes

I love my homemade cloths wipes. They are a revelation, seriously. I was a little hesitant to use cloth wipes at first but once I got on the gwagon, I realized something. Cloth wipes and cloth inserts go hand in hand. It so lovely to know that I don't have to go out and buy store wipes once a month. All I have to do is put mine through the wash once or twice a week and I'm set. The first question you might be wondering is "How do you make your own wipes?" It's simple. All you need is a bunch of old fleece blankets that are worn or you don't use. Cut them into the desired size you'd like. Double them up (below), sew around the edges and you're done!

How do I prep my cloth wipes?

Once I pull my wipes out of the dryer, I stack them in a pile and then begin to fold my wipes over. I start by laying one out flat and then folding another wipe over it at the half way mark (above). I fold the first wipe over the second and I repeat the pattern. Once I'm finished, I have a stack of wipes that can easily be transferred into my wipes container and will pull out one at a time (below).

Making your own Wipe Solution:

I have check out numerous websites and blog pages on how to make your own solution. Some use oils, others soaps, or both. What I have found worked best for me was to use whatever I had on hand. I use products that I know my baby's skin can tolerate. I use Baby Oil and Burt's Bee's Baby Wash (below). The solution recipe that I use is 2 tbsp of oil and 2 tbsp of wash mixed with a cup or 2 of hot water. I give the bottle a good shake and let it sit.  

The first thing I do when I am making homemade wipes is run my stack under hot water (below). 

I let the wipes soak for a few seconds to absorb all moisture. After that, I remove the wipes from the container, drain it, and ring out the wipes in the sink (below). I transfer the wipes back into the wipes container.

Now that my solution has been sitting for a while, I am ready to add my wash to the wipes (below). I make sure the solution has distributed evenly. Give the box a little shake, drain any extra solution from the bottom of wipes container. Close the lid, thread a wipe through and POOF! You have yourself some homemade wipes. Enjoy!

Part 1 of The gDiaperies: Your Change Station 101

Welcome to my latest blog entitled The gDiaperies. My objective in this series is to explore and share the wonders of cloth diapering with gDiapers. It is my hope that you will find each chapter helpful and perhaps even insightful as you too navigate the uncharted waters of the cloth.

Part 1- Your Change Table 101

Lesson #1: Having a clean and organized diaper area is the key to an enjoyable cloth diapering experience. One of the first things I hear new gMum's ask when getting started with gDiapers is "But don't you find it too much work?" The answer I would say is "You decided!" I believe that if you have an organized change station, you are one step closer to an awesome gexperience.

My Diaper Station (above)

Call me weird but I love organization. I find that when I am organized, I am less stressed. When I know where things are and where I can find them, life is good. It's no different with my change table. Everything has a place which makes diaper changing a breeze.

On my top shelf (above) from left to right I have my homemade wipes, my basket of loaded gDiapers, and disposable wipes. On my bottom shelf (below) from left to right I have my wetbags and extra cloths, snap-in liners, and disposable diapers including flushies.

I keep a Diaper Genie next to my diaper station for overnight disposable changes or when friends pop in and need somewhere to pitch their poop (above). All my extras (disposables, wipes, coupons, and different size pants) are stored in my daughter's bedroom closet (below). It makes for a quick grab and once again, everything has a place. It makes for a harmonious house when my husband and I both know where to look for diaper stuff and find it every time.

So I challenge you to create a diaper station that's all your own. Enjoy and be creative. That's the end of this chapter. Happy Diaper Days, y'all!

The Power of Prunes

6 months old. Oh my word. Seriously, time is a cruel mistress. I mean, I just found out last week I was pregnant and now my little girl's sitting up on her own, attempting to sing (or squawk), and eating people food. No words really. Watching her grow is like watching a rocket launch. Slow at lift off but once it gains momentum, its off.

Now that my daughter is at that age when "real" food can be explored, I have discovered a harsh reality. It does not always come out the other end like you thought it would. 3, 4 days went by without a single BM. I would turn to my husband and say "where's it all going" or "I don't want to be on the receiving end when that digestive shipment comes in". But I found hope, a lovely laxative for my sweet little lady in one word: PRUNES!  I thought I would shy away from prunes. It reminded me too much of my grandma's house, always sitting out on the kitchen table in a bowl. You know, old people food. But after hearing Mommy after Mommy praising the power of prunes, I had to give it a whorl and wow, does it work.

Now any time I am concerned about my daughter's digestion, I reach for a jar of organic prunes and know I am going to get results. Try it!

She Sleeps, I Blog

Her eye lids close. She snuggles her blanket and then silence. That's when my domestic stop watch starts and my maternal marathon begins. I love lists. I'm a big "things to do"er. So when my baby hits the hay, it's game on for me. I feel like I've always completed my best work when I was under the gun. Deadlines were never an issue for me. I always loved the challenge. Since becoming a Mom, I've found the same guidelines apply. Except I can never be sure when my sleepy lady is going to stir so when she's down, I'm on. I'm a list master.

When my daughter is awake, it's a mystery as to how I get anything done. Between her screaming, nursing, laughing, pooping and crying some more I perform an intricate dance of duties while tip toeing around her each day.  Dishes here, laundry there. Before I know it, 5 PM is home and so is my husband. The heat of watching my little sweets is set to simmer while I try to focus on my other half while fixing dinner. Some days are just a blur. I honestly could not tell you what I did last Tuesday. Everything just sort of swirls together in my weekly itinerary.

I thinks that's why I blog. It helps keep me mentally "there". I'm not sure where "there" is exactly. But I know when I'm "there" writing as I have over the years, I feel like I'm connecting to myself again. Just me. I'm not dealing with a screaming 4 month old who laughs when she pulls my hair or a husband who tells me the same story about work each day, I'm the creative me I've always been. She was just hanging up in the back of my closet I call life.  

An Organic Revelation: Tapping into my Green Self...AGAIN?!

I have never been a tree hugger. Ask anyone that has known me long enough and they can testify to this. I kill any plant I look at, I eat garbage food, it's brutal. I wish I was more "green" but I'm not. I've never been a vitamin taking, organic shirt wearing, flax seed eating person. Never. Recently though I have found that all I want to do is read as much information as I can on healthy alternative living. Things like cleaning with homemade solutions, the healing properties of essential oils, or learning about the health benefits of fruits and vegetables. It's weird. It was just like I woke up one day and decided I wanted to at least try to live a greener life. Not to saving mother earth or whatever but to become a healthier and well rounded wife and mother.

This whole thing reminds me of my 3rd year of university. I had this monumental shift in my dietary mind during my summer off. I realized I needed to change the way I ate and so I became a vegetarian. It lasted for a year and a half before I fell off the wagon shortly after getting married. But I felt great. I missed eating meat sure and I got mocked by all my family and friends but I was so much more conscientious of what I was putting into my body. I had more energy and my mind even felt more clear.

Since becoming parents, Steve and I have changed a few things. First off, we have decided to compost. In grade 3, I had a greenhouse project that I worked on with my class. In that year I discovered a plethora of facts on the environmental properties of composting. We received our green bin from our township 2 years ago but never got on the ecotrain along with our neighbours. I think we just didn't care. But now we have our own compost bin and try our best to keep on it everyday.

Secondly, we have decided you use cloth diapers with our daughter. I can't take any credit for it really, one of my girlfriends got me interested in the whole notion. But Steve and I found it appealing. It was a bit of an expense at first but in the end we calculated that we'll save $2000 in diapers and wipes over the next 2 years. Natie doesn't seem to notice the difference but our wallets will. I think this change was strictly financially motivated.

Anyways this new thought process I'm undergoing kind of makes me feel like I'm going through a mid-life crisis, but I'm gonna try to press on. If the outcome leads to a healthier family both physically and financially then what have I got to lose?

The Generational Jump: How Views on Breastfeeding have Changed in the Past 50 Years

"Are you feeding that baby food yet?" "No, Nan. She's only 3 months old. She can't eat solids yet." "Nonsense! What about homo milk?" "No, I'm breastfeeding her." "That's disgusting. Give that baby a bottle, you're starving her". I can still hear the voice of my seventy year old Grandmother lecturing me on the prehistoric values of infant nutrition. I still roll my eyes at the thought of it all. At the time, this conversation rocked me to my very core. Was this woman from Mars? Had she never scanned a parenting book in her life? Probably not. But this was my Nana. She was not that old. How could 2 women's take on parenting be so different? What changed in the past 50 years?

Maybe it's just me but I have encountered many older women recently who have conflicting views on breastfeeding. Women in my church, workplace, and my own family have revealed to me their objective opinions on the subject. "I never breastfeed. It was too weird" or "Breastfeeding was not for me. I saw what it did to my mother and I did not want any part of that." It got me thinking: What triggered this change?

I don't think any one source can be traced but the reality is things have really changed. My bookworm self would love to slam my Grandmother with some 30+ articles I've read on the benefits of breastfeeding or that infants can't actually swallow solids until at least 4 months, but what's the point. Old philosophies die hard and at the end of the day, I'm the Mama.

My Husband: The Father

My husband: Steve. I love him so much. I have been truly blessed to me married to a delightful man. Quirky, yes...sarcastic, definitely...but wonderful. Despite all this I found myself in a bit of a moral dilemma during my 9 months of pregnancy. A question that kept plaguing me each time I would stare at him: "Was he going to be a good father?" By this point I knew there was no turning back. Nore would I have wanted to. We both wanted this, but I was about to coast uncharted waters. This was a man I had been with for 10 years, an entire decade. I had seen every angle of him. From his skinny rock guitar days, to his green mohawk phase, from his McD's manager moments, to his lab geek years. I had seen him transform into a boyfriend, a university graduate, a husband, provider, the leader of our pack but this? Was he ready? Was I ready to sail with him into this new role?

It almost came to blows when I brought home birthing books and videos: "Would you watch this with me?" "No thanks." "Why not?" "Are you kidding? I want no part of that." I was so ticked. This was his baby too. Did he not want to experience the miracle of birth? Clearly not. "That is a sacred area, Hun! I just can't see that." I put myself in Steve's shoes and eventually I got where he was coming from. But at the time, I questioned the very foundation of what his parental involvement would look like.

When Natalie Anne came into the world on February 26th, 2011, I saw a side of Steve I had never witnessed before. As he held his little girl, a look of total bliss washed across his face. She was his legacy and he was overjoyed. He walked the hospital halls with a strut like a rooster or something. It was like he'd won the lottery. As I looked my husband holding our daughter I realized that he was the one that was glowing now.

Natie is 3 months now and Steve took to fatherhood like a duck to water. I mean it. It was amazing to watch. He stepped up to the plate and has done everything he can for her. He bathes her, reads to her, changes her, sings to her, laughs with her, educates her, kisses and hugs her. It's incredible. I realize now that I could not have picked a more perfect fit. Sure he is not always 100% but neither am I. Natie is baby #1, our little experiment, the trial and error kid as we were with our folks. I don't know how fatherhood will look on Steve when Natie's 20 but I anticipate many more years of learning, laughing, and other parental shenanigans with him.    

Having a Baby Doesn't Have to Be Expensive!

A few weeks ago, Steve and I had one of our married couple friends (Matt and Kathleen) over for a morning coffee. We sat out on our backyard porch chatting over steaming mugs as Natie watched on in her swing. Church, work, outdoor activities were among the topics discussed until the inevitable happened: the baby talk. "Babies are way too expensive" Matt exclaimed. As I looked at his wife, I laughed. Then I looked back at Matt and said "But it doesn't have to be". This discussion triggered my need to blog about it.

I have been so blessed with Mommy friends who have children. So when I get an opportunity to score free clothes from them, I jump on it. I remember my girlfriend Ruth saying to me once: "I would have given you clothes a long time ago, but I did not want to offend you." Free is not offensive, it's a huge help for a new Mom. So here are some tips I have learned to raising a baby on a budget:

Step 1- Accept help from friends and family. This can come in the form of an open bag of disposable diapers or garbage bags full of hand-me-down clothes. Smile and take it. Trust me, it's worth it.

Step 2 - Yard Sales are your friend. Steve and I have found such joy in our family yard sale trips on the occasional Saturday morning. We set out with an idea of what we need and off we go. We have been able to get a pack and play, an exersaucer, a winter sled, a kiddy pool, a picnic table, books, toys, and a free First Step wagon all for under $100 thanks to garage sales. Check your local paper and head out. You might just find an amazing deal.  
Step 3- Network! Facebook and kijiji are amazing for finding what you need. So surf away!

Step 4- Give when you can. If you find you are swimming in stuff don't be afraid to extend the same charity that was given to you. You will find a cycle of receiving and giving will occur.

That's all I have for now. Think cheap...you're baby won't know that difference but you're bank account will!

"Am I trendy yet?" One Mom's Confessions and Conviction on Baby Brands

When I first got pregnant, I thought I had an idea about how big the baby market was. A stroller here, diapers there. It all seemed so simple. Until my first trip to Babies R Us, I had no idea. Blankets, bibs, burp cloths, bum cream, swings, slings, strollers, potties, pacifiers, and the toys. OH MY WORD! It was like a quick sand pit of crap I knew I didn't need. But (it always starts with but), it was all so cute.

My baby shower was such a wonderful time of fellowship and celebration. Amazing food and friends. Then came the gifts. I sat waist deep trying to figure out what half this stuff did. I thought it was just me until I brought the gifts home and my husband looked just has puzzled. I could hear the voice of family and friends saying "this is so great" or "what a lifesaver this was". We got so much stuff, we ended up having to return most of it. We just did not have the space or brain capacity to deal with it all.

Since being home, I have been sucked into this baby merchandise black hole. There are so many brands nowadays that every Mom I know feels she "needs" (I'm one of them): Bumbo, Baby Bjorn, Graco, Fisher Price, Playgro, Safefit, Elfie, Bily, Baby Delight, Doug and Melissa, Blabla, Lamaze, Quinny, Bugaboo Frog, Robeez, Medela, Prince Lionheart, Chicco, Funzies, Grovia, MAM, Orbit, Nuk...you get the idea. The market is so big, it makes me a little nauseous. Yet I admit to buying into. Completely guilty!

We received a Sophie the Giraffe as a baby shower gift and for some reason, I was so excited. Jumping around like a pregnant Humpty Dumpty. Steve looked at me and was like"it's a glorified squeaky dog toy". When I told him how much it cost he nearly cracked: "$30 for a plastic giraffe? Are you mental?" I laugh now, but he's right. What did I feel I needed all this crap? As a status? For show? It certainly was not for my daughter. She was happy staring off into space or blowing spit bubbles.

It's funny how we Mom's feel the need to follow the trends of this western society of ours. I mean, I admit my kid wears robeez, will soon be sporting a gdiaper bum, and lights up at the sound of Sophie's squeak, sure. But we need to get real. I need to get real. This is just stuff, not a status. To pay $50 for a pair of baby uggs or $3000 for a stroller because Elton John or Michelle Williams are pushing their kids in it is slightly ludicrous. No? It might just be me. I don't mean to sound bitter but I have felt conviction in all this. It's just stuff and I need to get over it.

"Is this normal?" My First Week of Motherhood

"Wow, I'm a Mom. I can't believe this." I recall sitting in my hospital bed the day after Natie's birth saying these exact words to my Mom. What I didn't say outloud kept playing over and over again in my head: "Now what?"  It was a surreal moment. In a matter of 40 minutes under the knife, my life had completely changed. My head was swimming and my body was throbbing. I had this little person in pink in my arms who was completely dependent on me, in someway, for the rest of her life. All I could think in that moment was: "What am I gonna do now?"

The first day I got home was such a relief. My hospital bed was horrible but the drugs seemed to help me cope (lol). When Steve and I got home, we opened the door and everything seemed...different somehow. Our apartment wasn't just our apartment anymore but our home. If I could compare that first week of parenting for Steve and myself, I would say it reminded me of a baby horse learning to walk. Dumb and slightly pathetic. Completely comical. Stumbling all over itself but then at some point, it finds its footing and off it goes. That was us. That week was full of laughter and tears, it was wonderful.

Now the sad part was that I was a complete mess. I was healing from major surgery, having to learn how to nurse, and probably what annoyed me the most was that I was an emotional basket case. I would be on the phone with a family member or friend and just start balling. The thought of my Mom or husband leaving rocketed me into such a depression I wanted to scream. I remember sitting down with my midwife Mel and asking "is this normal?" She smiled. "Completely normal but if it does not improve, let us know." I knew exactly what she meant. I read "Down came the Rain" by Brooke Shields and I did not want to be one of those new Mom's battling Postpartum Depression on top of everything else. Luckily, the emotion wave calmed and as I healed I started to feel like myself again.

In the first few weeks of Motherhood, I read an amazing book that I recommend to any woman who is pregnant or already a mother called "Misconceptions: Truth, Lies, and the Unexpected on the Journey to Motherhood" by Naomi Wolf. This book helped me get through that week of feeling hopeless and lame. It taught me that becoming a "Mother" is not immediate but a process. With that knowledge in hand each day, I stride towards learning more about my myself as I raise my little girl.   

Birthing: Smoke and Mirrors

Birth! Need I say more. I watched countless videos on the miracle of birth during my pregnancy. I sat through story after story of close girlfriends describing their beautiful birthing experience thrilled to be able to soon share my own. But when February 25th rolled around and I was still hugely pregnant at 41 weeks, the fog lifted. I was left feeling so discouraged wondering if this was ever going to happen. I ate curry, I bounced on a yoga ball, I drank 3 cups of raspberry leaf tea a day, walked everywhere and nothing. Not a contraction, no broken water, no dilation, zilch. 36 hours after being admitted to our local hospital on that day, I had a feeling that the fairy tale of birth that I had envisioned was an illusion. I imagined this amazing process that I would go through, natural and normal. Yet as I sat in my hospital room I felt violated, cheated! This was my biologic right. I wanted the journey, the story, and yes maybe even the pain. After hearing woman after woman yelling in the birthing room next to mine, I felt like Rachel from Friends: "Don't bring another woman in here. I can't listen to another baby being born if it isn't mine". But after 3 failed attempts at induction, I saw it coming. "You're going to need a c-section" and "We want to make sure this baby is safe and healthy". I balled. Not at the idea of having major abdominal surgery, but at losing the opportunity to experience a natural childbirth. The door was closed and I had to accept it. I remember my husband and sister in law praying with me just before I went in. We prayed for peace and submission and that's exactly what God gave me. When my little Natalie came out on February 26th, 2011, I realized how silly this whole thing was. I put so much pressure on myself for no reason, really. All that mattered to me in that moment was that God had blessed me with a beautiful healthy baby girl.

One day I do hope to experience natural childbirth but if I don't, that's OK. My idea of birth before was all smoke and mirrors, I know that now. I fabricated a fairy tale that was not meant to be. But I learnt something in the alternative. This child of mine is a gift from God and the packaging she was sent in, though rough and unexpected, never mattered.