"Is this normal?" My First Week of Motherhood

"Wow, I'm a Mom. I can't believe this." I recall sitting in my hospital bed the day after Natie's birth saying these exact words to my Mom. What I didn't say outloud kept playing over and over again in my head: "Now what?"  It was a surreal moment. In a matter of 40 minutes under the knife, my life had completely changed. My head was swimming and my body was throbbing. I had this little person in pink in my arms who was completely dependent on me, in someway, for the rest of her life. All I could think in that moment was: "What am I gonna do now?"

The first day I got home was such a relief. My hospital bed was horrible but the drugs seemed to help me cope (lol). When Steve and I got home, we opened the door and everything seemed...different somehow. Our apartment wasn't just our apartment anymore but our home. If I could compare that first week of parenting for Steve and myself, I would say it reminded me of a baby horse learning to walk. Dumb and slightly pathetic. Completely comical. Stumbling all over itself but then at some point, it finds its footing and off it goes. That was us. That week was full of laughter and tears, it was wonderful.

Now the sad part was that I was a complete mess. I was healing from major surgery, having to learn how to nurse, and probably what annoyed me the most was that I was an emotional basket case. I would be on the phone with a family member or friend and just start balling. The thought of my Mom or husband leaving rocketed me into such a depression I wanted to scream. I remember sitting down with my midwife Mel and asking "is this normal?" She smiled. "Completely normal but if it does not improve, let us know." I knew exactly what she meant. I read "Down came the Rain" by Brooke Shields and I did not want to be one of those new Mom's battling Postpartum Depression on top of everything else. Luckily, the emotion wave calmed and as I healed I started to feel like myself again.

In the first few weeks of Motherhood, I read an amazing book that I recommend to any woman who is pregnant or already a mother called "Misconceptions: Truth, Lies, and the Unexpected on the Journey to Motherhood" by Naomi Wolf. This book helped me get through that week of feeling hopeless and lame. It taught me that becoming a "Mother" is not immediate but a process. With that knowledge in hand each day, I stride towards learning more about my myself as I raise my little girl.