Welcome to the Mind of a Bookworm Mommy!

Turning our Downtown into Doo-Doo Ville

2012-01-24T10:18:00.000-08:00

I address this letter to all citizens of New Tecumseth:

Recently I have been completely outraged by the state of our downtown sidewalks. Being a committed member of our community, I take pride in the appeal of our downtown core. It's what makes our town unique. In the past few weeks, however, I have observed more and more dog droppings being abandoned along our sidewalks. It's disgusting! Along with living a block away from downtown Alliston, I also work on the main street. Each day I see students on their lunch break hustling back and forth to class, stepping in these mounds of filth. Not only that but mothers with strollers driving through it unaware. It's simply appalling. The bottom line is this: if you take pride in your small town, take care of it! Period. And do your fellow neighbours a favor and pick up after your pet. Just stoop and scoop! It's really quite simple and a common courtesy to all. It would be a shame if our town council had to begin fining residents for not picking up after their pooches. Come on people, don't turn our downtown into Doo-Doo ville!

Respectfully,

Christine Walton

Breaking a Bone: What Every Mom Should Know

2012-01-12T11:32:00.000-08:00

This past weekend I broke my wrist. There's no glamour story behind how I did it, I simple fell down my stairs. I had never broken a bone before this little incident. Never! So as a highly active Mom I had no idea what I was in for. In the past 5 days I have discovered a whole lot about what it takes to deal with a busted arm and baby. I thought I'd share my frustrations...? Obstacles...? Overall revelations!

1. When you break a bone, you know it! It's not like "Ouch! My wrist is sore. Oh I think I'll take an aspirin; that should fix it." No! It's more along the lines of..."Oh $#!%, My wrist is on fire, I heard a crunch, cry for your Mommy" type of experience... okay well maybe it's not that dramatic but mine was. I think the last time I cried that hard was when I was 12. I forced to sell Barbie collection at a family yard sale. It was a tragic day.

2. Typing with one hand is brutal. It is painfully slow. If you even think about adding punctuation it takes you twice as long...so I am now resorting to a one handed, lower-case slopfest. Wait for it...

3. when they tell you casts get itchy they mean it/ they also may start to spell funny/like stinky duds fresh from the gym/it's gross/

4. taking care of a baby with a broken wrist is next to impossible for the first few days/ you can't pull the little diaper tab with a busted thumb/ zippers are impossible and forget buckles/ giving your kid a bottle is agonizing not to mention lying them in their crib/ trying to pick them up for the first time is so awkward/ imagine a baby colt trying to walk for the first time/ not pretty/

5. showering with a plastic bag on your hand is in no way like showering with a shower cap on/

6. helpful advice/ if in the event you might break your wrist or fingers, take off your rings/ they will swell and cutting them off sucks/

7. milkshakes help deal with the pain/and booze/

8. ask for help/ i have had to stay with my in-laws for the week and it had made a world of difference/ if i had to deal with my daughter and a broken arm on my own I would probably spend the week crying/

9. HGTV is also a great healing regiment/

10. if you are married people will ask you what your husband looks like after your break/ this is a joke and is not meant to be taken seriously/

11. i never did understand why we use slag such as a busted flipper or broken wing/ it wakes me feel like I'm one fracture away from being inducted into the animal kingdom/

12. if you live in a house without a railing/ insist your landlord/ no matter how moronic he may seem/ install it asap/

13. it's amazing what an elbow can accomplish/ i recommend you thank your elbows for being so awesome today/ go ahead/

14. having people write on your cast is hugely overrated/ unless the person has some mad graffiti or haiku skills/ in that case/ bring it on/

15. bottom line/ 4-6 weeks is a long time/ boo/

hope this has been informative/humorous/overall not a royal waste of your time/

Part 3 of The gDiaperies: The Toilet and "Clean" Zone

2011-12-22T12:35:00.000-08:00

Lesson #3: Dealing with poo does not need to be a dirty job. Truly! Well, poo is dirty and you will need to clean it but what I mean is, you don't need to get all up in it. When Steve and I signed up for cloth diapering the first thing we both thought was "there is no way I am touching poo". When I sought out the council of my friend Katie she informed me of a magical diaper tool that would make all messed go away. You want to know what it is? A diaper sprayer. It's heavenly. I never thought I could get so excited about a glorified shower head sprayer but hey...I've never touched poo!

My Diaper Cleaning Zone

My diaper "cleaning" zone is a place of organization and assembly. The last thing you want is a nasty diaper with no place to go. My husband and I have come up with a systematic method of dealing with our diapers that have made the cleaning process smooth sailing.

Step #1: Lift up the toilet lid (sounds good so far?)

Step #2: Remove diaper sprayer from holder and turn on

The *Magical* Toilet Sprayer

Step #3: Hold your poopy diaper over the toilet and spray poo into toilet (I find it easiest to remove the pant from the snap in liner and just hold the liner over the toilet).

Step #4: Flush!

Step #5: Turn sprayer off and return to holder. Be sure to clear the line for water build-up.

Step #6: Throw pant into pant basket and liner/cloth into diaper pail lined with glaundry bag.

Add a sprinkle of baking soda to absorb the odor, if you so desire.

Step #7: Close all lids and leave.

It's that simple! Isn't that just lovely? You bet it is. So don't fear fiddling with poo any longer, cleaning cloth can be a simple spray away.

Confessions of a Dyslexic Librarian

2011-12-21T12:15:00.000-08:00

I am Dyslexic! Believe it or not. And some might find in ironic that I am also a Librarian. Go figure. It is a complete contradiction, don't you think? I mean who is their right mind would voluntarily aspire to duke it out with a well of words each day when they struggles with processing phonics? Who? Me!

I have not "officially" been diagnosed with this learning disability but I am confident that I have it. I have always struggled with words as far back as I can recall. Reading, writing, and although you might not believe it, verbalizing. I remember being called on to read out loud in elementary school and being terrified. "Christine, could you read page 96?" It caused me major anxiety; I would freeze. It was embarrasing when I could not sound out a word. My mouth would say it but my brain would not process it. Lib-er-a-tion...? I would hear it but I could not spit it out. Or I would sound it out totally wrong. It has been a silent struggle in my life but I have come to grips with it.

In university, two things got to me to graduation: spell check and Steve. I am so thankful for both of them. On my own I would scan through my thesis papers and not see the mistakes. I would not hear the incorrect usage of sentences or misspelled words. It was a cure! It was a massive frustration! I am certain that if it were not for these two things assisting me in those four years, I may have failed school.

Even now, as a well educated adult I still get my words all turned around. I will be thinking about what I will say next while I am still writing in the now. I will often go back to what I wrote and go "WTH?" What was I trying to say here? It makes no sense. I read diaries from my high school days and am convinced that if an outsider got a hold of them, they would think I was a crackhead. Seriously!

So I write this as an encouragement to anyone out there who might be struggling with the same obstacle. You can walk with it. Don't let it bring you down. One tip I have embraced that has helped me so much is to SLOW DOWN! When you read... when you write... when you talk (I am still working on the talking). If you adopt this I promise you can accomplish anything!

Your Friendly Neighbourhood Dyslecix (that was a joke) Librarian,

Christine

What Have I Been Reading Lately?

2011-12-14T08:36:00.000-08:00

I was reading through some of my old posts and realized I have diverged away from my original focus and that was to blog about my bookworm alter ego. I am not sure what that means exactly, but I am pretty sure it has something to do with my love of reading. So I figured I should smart'n up and write about what I have been reading lately.

1. "Seriously, I'm Kidding" by Ellen Degenesis

I found that like anything written by Jenny McCarthy, this book was entertaining. It's humor is undeniable and expected as it was written by a former comedian. Although I found myself oddly annoyed in particular chapters. I felt preached at on topics like American Idol or the values of meditation. I was bored. However I did appreciated other sessions emphasising the importance of the human experience; underlying topics like kindness and basic courtesy. It got me thinking and laughing, I love that. So I give this book a solid 3 1/2 bookmarks out of 5.

2. "What to Expect The First Year" by Heidi Murkoff

LOVE THIS! That sums it up. This book has been such an awesome help in navigating developmental milestones for my baby's first year. It's well laid out and easy to surf through. Simply awesome!

3. The Original "Calvin and Hobbes" by Bill Watterson

This imaginative, childlike cartoon is a classic. It is so cleaver that humor just pours out of it. When I first met my husband he was a big cartoon fan. He read Calvin and Hobbes, Far Side, anything that was culturally relevant and funny. I thought they were lame and childish. I stayed uninterested in comic for years. Then a while back, I started to wonder what the big deal was so I cracked one open and the rest is history. I laughed so hard I nearly peed my pants. I found myself being taken on a journey through each cell that I could not put down. To this day I still enjoy picking one up just for a laugh.

4. "Today's Parent" Magazine

I love Today's Parent. I have been reading it over a year and would sum it up as mindless reading. However it has a tonne of helpful articles on parenting, cooking, vacationing, etc. I love that I can pick it up anytime during the day and read something completely new. At the end of every month, I wait around for it to arrive in my mailbox like a kid a Christmas. It's nice to have light material hanging around to browse whenever you feel up to it.

5. The Bible

My Bible is my daily bread. I have read many self help books in my time and none have compared to the power of God' Holy Word! It is so instructional and relevant to our present day. I encourage anyone who is even remotely interested to peruse it's pages and find comfort in them.

So these are some titles I have been juggling recently. I'll try to keep you posted!

Things I Do Repeatedly in a Day that Keeps me Humble

2011-11-30T12:23:00.000-08:00

I've noticed recently that I have adapted to a bizarre domestic routine that is so repetitive, I wonder where my days go. I seriously loss count on how often I do these things. Some I dread, some I detest, some I quite enjoy. But I find that doing these simple tasks over and over each day keeps me strangely humble.

Feed my family a meal that is as balanced as I can swing
Pick up the balance meal off the floor
Sweep the balance meal I could not pick up off the floor
Take a deep breath and say a little prayer
Rinse off my daughter food tray, sanitize, and store away
Listen to my newly tattering daughter whack her head off the floor again
Cuddle and kisses to stop the tears and away she goes
Smell something funky? Diaper Change!
Turn on Veggie Tales Worship CD just to see my daughter bop around
Daughter tries to dance standing up and whack
Cuddle and kisses to stop the tears and away she goes again
Eye rub and a fuss...nap time?
Make bottle
Feed little one the bottle
Take another deep breath and say a prayer
Pick up the toy bomb and put it away in assigned bins
Do some chores
Baby cries...
Deep breath and a prayer
Start at 1 again

This is my new life! Sometime I get to go for walks, outings, and playgroups. It makes me feel like a rebel to my schedule. BWAHAHAHA! Take that routine! But who am I kidding? I am a sucker for order so this is typically my life. And so long as you can keep a secret I will tell you this, I do get tired, I do get bored, but I would not change a second of my life as a Mom for anything in the world.

A Brief Intermission to The gDiaperies: "I Had a Dream!"

2011-11-28T12:59:00.000-08:00

So I had a dream last night that I attended a "magical" gconference. It started like this: I walk into this beautiful building blinded by light bursting from every angle. As I enter, I am greeted at the door by a friendly woman who hangs me a gtot. After a little chat, she tells me to make my way around the building to the many stations set up. As I travel from booth to booth, I am approached by a helpful gExpert and given free "samples". gPants, gCloths, and get this hand knit gLegwarmers? By the end of my dream, my tot was literally overflowing with gTreasures. The best part? There was no ravenous mommy mod trampling me to get the "goods" before I could. I woke up unbelievably calm, wishing it has been real. Because of this dream I was "awakened" to an entirely new level of my cloth diapering addiction. I think I might need a shrink...?

Part 2 of The gDiaperies: Making Homemade Wipes

2011-10-27T10:32:00.000-07:00

Lesson #2: Homemade wipes are as equally cost efficient and easy to use as cloth diapers. True story!

My Homemade Cloth Wipes

I love my homemade cloths wipes. They are a revelation, seriously. I was a little hesitant to use cloth wipes at first but once I got on the gwagon, I realized something. Cloth wipes and cloth inserts go hand in hand. It so lovely to know that I don't have to go out and buy store wipes once a month. All I have to do is put mine through the wash once or twice a week and I'm set. The first question you might be wondering is "How do you make your own wipes?" It's simple. All you need is a bunch of old fleece blankets that are worn or you don't use. Cut them into the desired size you'd like. Double them up (below), sew around the edges and you're done!

How do I prep my cloth wipes?

Once I pull my wipes out of the dryer, I stack them in a pile and then begin to fold my wipes over. I start by laying one out flat and then folding another wipe over it at the half way mark (above). I fold the first wipe over the second and I repeat the pattern. Once I'm finished, I have a stack of wipes that can easily be transferred into my wipes container and will pull out one at a time (below).

Making your own Wipe Solution:

I have check out numerous websites and blog pages on how to make your own solution. Some use oils, others soaps, or both. What I have found worked best for me was to use whatever I had on hand. I use products that I know my baby's skin can tolerate. I use Baby Oil and Burt's Bee's Baby Wash (below). The solution recipe that I use is 2 tbsp of oil and 2 tbsp of wash mixed with a cup or 2 of hot water. I give the bottle a good shake and let it sit.

The first thing I do when I am making homemade wipes is run my stack under hot water (below).

I let the wipes soak for a few seconds to absorb all moisture. After that, I remove the wipes from the container, drain it, and ring out the wipes in the sink (below). I transfer the wipes back into the wipes container.

Now that my solution has been sitting for a while, I am ready to add my wash to the wipes (below). I make sure the solution has distributed evenly. Give the box a little shake, drain any extra solution from the bottom of wipes container. Close the lid, thread a wipe through and POOF! You have yourself some homemade wipes. Enjoy!

Part 1 of The gDiaperies: Your Change Station 101

2011-10-26T10:57:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my latest blog entitled The gDiaperies. My objective in this series is to explore and share the wonders of cloth diapering with gDiapers. It is my hope that you will find each chapter helpful and perhaps even insightful as you too navigate the uncharted waters of the cloth.

Part 1- Your Change Table 101

Lesson #1: Having a clean and organized diaper area is the key to an enjoyable cloth diapering experience. One of the first things I hear new gMum's ask when getting started with gDiapers is "But don't you find it too much work?" The answer I would say is "You decided!" I believe that if you have an organized change station, you are one step closer to an awesome gexperience.

My Diaper Station (above)

Call me weird but I love organization. I find that when I am organized, I am less stressed. When I know where things are and where I can find them, life is good. It's no different with my change table. Everything has a place which makes diaper changing a breeze.

On my top shelf (above) from left to right I have my homemade wipes, my basket of loaded gDiapers, and disposable wipes. On my bottom shelf (below) from left to right I have my wetbags and extra cloths, snap-in liners, and disposable diapers including flushies.

I keep a Diaper Genie next to my diaper station for overnight disposable changes or when friends pop in and need somewhere to pitch their poop (above). All my extras (disposables, wipes, coupons, and different size pants) are stored in my daughter's bedroom closet (below). It makes for a quick grab and once again, everything has a place. It makes for a harmonious house when my husband and I both know where to look for diaper stuff and find it every time.

So I challenge you to create a diaper station that's all your own. Enjoy and be creative. That's the end of this chapter. Happy Diaper Days, y'all!

The Power of Prunes

2011-10-26T10:00:00.000-07:00

6 months old. Oh my word. Seriously, time is a cruel mistress. I mean, I just found out last week I was pregnant and now my little girl's sitting up on her own, attempting to sing (or squawk), and eating people food. No words really. Watching her grow is like watching a rocket launch. Slow at lift off but once it gains momentum, its off.

Now that my daughter is at that age when "real" food can be explored, I have discovered a harsh reality. It does not always come out the other end like you thought it would. 3, 4 days went by without a single BM. I would turn to my husband and say "where's it all going" or "I don't want to be on the receiving end when that digestive shipment comes in". But I found hope, a lovely laxative for my sweet little lady in one word: PRUNES! I thought I would shy away from prunes. It reminded me too much of my grandma's house, always sitting out on the kitchen table in a bowl. You know, old people food. But after hearing Mommy after Mommy praising the power of prunes, I had to give it a whorl and wow, does it work.

Now any time I am concerned about my daughter's digestion, I reach for a jar of organic prunes and know I am going to get results. Try it!

She Sleeps, I Blog

2011-07-06T11:47:00.000-07:00

Her eye lids close. She snuggles her blanket and then silence. That's when my domestic stop watch starts and my maternal marathon begins. I love lists. I'm a big "things to do"er. So when my baby hits the hay, it's game on for me. I feel like I've always completed my best work when I was under the gun. Deadlines were never an issue for me. I always loved the challenge. Since becoming a Mom, I've found the same guidelines apply. Except I can never be sure when my sleepy lady is going to stir so when she's down, I'm on. I'm a list master.

When my daughter is awake, it's a mystery as to how I get anything done. Between her screaming, nursing, laughing, pooping and crying some more I perform an intricate dance of duties while tip toeing around her each day. Dishes here, laundry there. Before I know it, 5 PM is home and so is my husband. The heat of watching my little sweets is set to simmer while I try to focus on my other half while fixing dinner. Some days are just a blur. I honestly could not tell you what I did last Tuesday. Everything just sort of swirls together in my weekly itinerary.

I thinks that's why I blog. It helps keep me mentally "there". I'm not sure where "there" is exactly. But I know when I'm "there" writing as I have over the years, I feel like I'm connecting to myself again. Just me. I'm not dealing with a screaming 4 month old who laughs when she pulls my hair or a husband who tells me the same story about work each day, I'm the creative me I've always been. She was just hanging up in the back of my closet I call life.

An Organic Revelation: Tapping into my Green Self...AGAIN?!

2011-07-05T14:23:00.000-07:00

I have never been a tree hugger. Ask anyone that has known me long enough and they can testify to this. I kill any plant I look at, I eat garbage food, it's brutal. I wish I was more "green" but I'm not. I've never been a vitamin taking, organic shirt wearing, flax seed eating person. Never. Recently though I have found that all I want to do is read as much information as I can on healthy alternative living. Things like cleaning with homemade solutions, the healing properties of essential oils, or learning about the health benefits of fruits and vegetables. It's weird. It was just like I woke up one day and decided I wanted to at least try to live a greener life. Not to saving mother earth or whatever but to become a healthier and well rounded wife and mother.

This whole thing reminds me of my 3rd year of university. I had this monumental shift in my dietary mind during my summer off. I realized I needed to change the way I ate and so I became a vegetarian. It lasted for a year and a half before I fell off the wagon shortly after getting married. But I felt great. I missed eating meat sure and I got mocked by all my family and friends but I was so much more conscientious of what I was putting into my body. I had more energy and my mind even felt more clear.

Since becoming parents, Steve and I have changed a few things. First off, we have decided to compost. In grade 3, I had a greenhouse project that I worked on with my class. In that year I discovered a plethora of facts on the environmental properties of composting. We received our green bin from our township 2 years ago but never got on the ecotrain along with our neighbours. I think we just didn't care. But now we have our own compost bin and try our best to keep on it everyday.

Secondly, we have decided you use cloth diapers with our daughter. I can't take any credit for it really, one of my girlfriends got me interested in the whole notion. But Steve and I found it appealing. It was a bit of an expense at first but in the end we calculated that we'll save $2000 in diapers and wipes over the next 2 years. Natie doesn't seem to notice the difference but our wallets will. I think this change was strictly financially motivated.

Anyways this new thought process I'm undergoing kind of makes me feel like I'm going through a mid-life crisis, but I'm gonna try to press on. If the outcome leads to a healthier family both physically and financially then what have I got to lose?

The Generational Jump: How Views on Breastfeeding have Changed in the Past 50 Years

2011-06-27T13:50:00.000-07:00

"Are you feeding that baby food yet?" "No, Nan. She's only 3 months old. She can't eat solids yet." "Nonsense! What about homo milk?" "No, I'm breastfeeding her." "That's disgusting. Give that baby a bottle, you're starving her". I can still hear the voice of my seventy year old Grandmother lecturing me on the prehistoric values of infant nutrition. I still roll my eyes at the thought of it all. At the time, this conversation rocked me to my very core. Was this woman from Mars? Had she never scanned a parenting book in her life? Probably not. But this was my Nana. She was not that old. How could 2 women's take on parenting be so different? What changed in the past 50 years?

Maybe it's just me but I have encountered many older women recently who have conflicting views on breastfeeding. Women in my church, workplace, and my own family have revealed to me their objective opinions on the subject. "I never breastfeed. It was too weird" or "Breastfeeding was not for me. I saw what it did to my mother and I did not want any part of that." It got me thinking: What triggered this change?

I don't think any one source can be traced but the reality is things have really changed. My bookworm self would love to slam my Grandmother with some 30+ articles I've read on the benefits of breastfeeding or that infants can't actually swallow solids until at least 4 months, but what's the point. Old philosophies die hard and at the end of the day, I'm the Mama.

My Husband: The Father

2011-06-10T11:24:00.000-07:00

My husband: Steve. I love him so much. I have been truly blessed to me married to a delightful man. Quirky, yes...sarcastic, definitely...but wonderful. Despite all this I found myself in a bit of a moral dilemma during my 9 months of pregnancy. A question that kept plaguing me each time I would stare at him: "Was he going to be a good father?" By this point I knew there was no turning back. Nore would I have wanted to. We both wanted this, but I was about to coast uncharted waters. This was a man I had been with for 10 years, an entire decade. I had seen every angle of him. From his skinny rock guitar days, to his green mohawk phase, from his McD's manager moments, to his lab geek years. I had seen him transform into a boyfriend, a university graduate, a husband, provider, the leader of our pack but this? Was he ready? Was I ready to sail with him into this new role?

It almost came to blows when I brought home birthing books and videos: "Would you watch this with me?" "No thanks." "Why not?" "Are you kidding? I want no part of that." I was so ticked. This was his baby too. Did he not want to experience the miracle of birth? Clearly not. "That is a sacred area, Hun! I just can't see that." I put myself in Steve's shoes and eventually I got where he was coming from. But at the time, I questioned the very foundation of what his parental involvement would look like.

When Natalie Anne came into the world on February 26th, 2011, I saw a side of Steve I had never witnessed before. As he held his little girl, a look of total bliss washed across his face. She was his legacy and he was overjoyed. He walked the hospital halls with a strut like a rooster or something. It was like he'd won the lottery. As I looked my husband holding our daughter I realized that he was the one that was glowing now.

Natie is 3 months now and Steve took to fatherhood like a duck to water. I mean it. It was amazing to watch. He stepped up to the plate and has done everything he can for her. He bathes her, reads to her, changes her, sings to her, laughs with her, educates her, kisses and hugs her. It's incredible. I realize now that I could not have picked a more perfect fit. Sure he is not always 100% but neither am I. Natie is baby #1, our little experiment, the trial and error kid as we were with our folks. I don't know how fatherhood will look on Steve when Natie's 20 but I anticipate many more years of learning, laughing, and other parental shenanigans with him.

Having a Baby Doesn't Have to Be Expensive!

2011-06-08T07:20:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, Steve and I had one of our married couple friends (Matt and Kathleen) over for a morning coffee. We sat out on our backyard porch chatting over steaming mugs as Natie watched on in her swing. Church, work, outdoor activities were among the topics discussed until the inevitable happened: the baby talk. "Babies are way too expensive" Matt exclaimed. As I looked at his wife, I laughed. Then I looked back at Matt and said "But it doesn't have to be". This discussion triggered my need to blog about it.

I have been so blessed with Mommy friends who have children. So when I get an opportunity to score free clothes from them, I jump on it. I remember my girlfriend Ruth saying to me once: "I would have given you clothes a long time ago, but I did not want to offend you." Free is not offensive, it's a huge help for a new Mom. So here are some tips I have learned to raising a baby on a budget:

Step 1- Accept help from friends and family. This can come in the form of an open bag of disposable diapers or garbage bags full of hand-me-down clothes. Smile and take it. Trust me, it's worth it.

Step 2 - Yard Sales are your friend. Steve and I have found such joy in our family yard sale trips on the occasional Saturday morning. We set out with an idea of what we need and off we go. We have been able to get a pack and play, an exersaucer, a winter sled, a kiddy pool, a picnic table, books, toys, and a free First Step wagon all for under $100 thanks to garage sales. Check your local paper and head out. You might just find an amazing deal.
Step 3- Network! Facebook and kijiji are amazing for finding what you need. So surf away!

Step 4- Give when you can. If you find you are swimming in stuff don't be afraid to extend the same charity that was given to you. You will find a cycle of receiving and giving will occur.

That's all I have for now. Think cheap...you're baby won't know that difference but you're bank account will!

"Am I trendy yet?" One Mom's Confessions and Conviction on Baby Brands

2011-06-08T06:45:00.000-07:00

When I first got pregnant, I thought I had an idea about how big the baby market was. A stroller here, diapers there. It all seemed so simple. Until my first trip to Babies R Us, I had no idea. Blankets, bibs, burp cloths, bum cream, swings, slings, strollers, potties, pacifiers, and the toys. OH MY WORD! It was like a quick sand pit of crap I knew I didn't need. But (it always starts with but), it was all so cute.

My baby shower was such a wonderful time of fellowship and celebration. Amazing food and friends. Then came the gifts. I sat waist deep trying to figure out what half this stuff did. I thought it was just me until I brought the gifts home and my husband looked just has puzzled. I could hear the voice of family and friends saying "this is so great" or "what a lifesaver this was". We got so much stuff, we ended up having to return most of it. We just did not have the space or brain capacity to deal with it all.

Since being home, I have been sucked into this baby merchandise black hole. There are so many brands nowadays that every Mom I know feels she "needs" (I'm one of them): Bumbo, Baby Bjorn, Graco, Fisher Price, Playgro, Safefit, Elfie, Bily, Baby Delight, Doug and Melissa, Blabla, Lamaze, Quinny, Bugaboo Frog, Robeez, Medela, Prince Lionheart, Chicco, Funzies, Grovia, MAM, Orbit, Nuk...you get the idea. The market is so big, it makes me a little nauseous. Yet I admit to buying into. Completely guilty!

We received a Sophie the Giraffe as a baby shower gift and for some reason, I was so excited. Jumping around like a pregnant Humpty Dumpty. Steve looked at me and was like"it's a glorified squeaky dog toy". When I told him how much it cost he nearly cracked: "$30 for a plastic giraffe? Are you mental?" I laugh now, but he's right. What did I feel I needed all this crap? As a status? For show? It certainly was not for my daughter. She was happy staring off into space or blowing spit bubbles.

It's funny how we Mom's feel the need to follow the trends of this western society of ours. I mean, I admit my kid wears robeez, will soon be sporting a gdiaper bum, and lights up at the sound of Sophie's squeak, sure. But we need to get real. I need to get real. This is just stuff, not a status. To pay $50 for a pair of baby uggs or $3000 for a stroller because Elton John or Michelle Williams are pushing their kids in it is slightly ludicrous. No? It might just be me. I don't mean to sound bitter but I have felt conviction in all this. It's just stuff and I need to get over it.

"Is this normal?" My First Week of Motherhood

2011-06-07T14:00:00.000-07:00

"Wow, I'm a Mom. I can't believe this." I recall sitting in my hospital bed the day after Natie's birth saying these exact words to my Mom. What I didn't say outloud kept playing over and over again in my head: "Now what?" It was a surreal moment. In a matter of 40 minutes under the knife, my life had completely changed. My head was swimming and my body was throbbing. I had this little person in pink in my arms who was completely dependent on me, in someway, for the rest of her life. All I could think in that moment was: "What am I gonna do now?"

The first day I got home was such a relief. My hospital bed was horrible but the drugs seemed to help me cope (lol). When Steve and I got home, we opened the door and everything seemed...different somehow. Our apartment wasn't just our apartment anymore but our home. If I could compare that first week of parenting for Steve and myself, I would say it reminded me of a baby horse learning to walk. Dumb and slightly pathetic. Completely comical. Stumbling all over itself but then at some point, it finds its footing and off it goes. That was us. That week was full of laughter and tears, it was wonderful.

Now the sad part was that I was a complete mess. I was healing from major surgery, having to learn how to nurse, and probably what annoyed me the most was that I was an emotional basket case. I would be on the phone with a family member or friend and just start balling. The thought of my Mom or husband leaving rocketed me into such a depression I wanted to scream. I remember sitting down with my midwife Mel and asking "is this normal?" She smiled. "Completely normal but if it does not improve, let us know." I knew exactly what she meant. I read "Down came the Rain" by Brooke Shields and I did not want to be one of those new Mom's battling Postpartum Depression on top of everything else. Luckily, the emotion wave calmed and as I healed I started to feel like myself again.

In the first few weeks of Motherhood, I read an amazing book that I recommend to any woman who is pregnant or already a mother called "Misconceptions: Truth, Lies, and the Unexpected on the Journey to Motherhood" by Naomi Wolf. This book helped me get through that week of feeling hopeless and lame. It taught me that becoming a "Mother" is not immediate but a process. With that knowledge in hand each day, I stride towards learning more about my myself as I raise my little girl.

Birthing: Smoke and Mirrors

2011-06-07T11:01:00.000-07:00

Birth! Need I say more. I watched countless videos on the miracle of birth during my pregnancy. I sat through story after story of close girlfriends describing their beautiful birthing experience thrilled to be able to soon share my own. But when February 25th rolled around and I was still hugely pregnant at 41 weeks, the fog lifted. I was left feeling so discouraged wondering if this was ever going to happen. I ate curry, I bounced on a yoga ball, I drank 3 cups of raspberry leaf tea a day, walked everywhere and nothing. Not a contraction, no broken water, no dilation, zilch. 36 hours after being admitted to our local hospital on that day, I had a feeling that the fairy tale of birth that I had envisioned was an illusion. I imagined this amazing process that I would go through, natural and normal. Yet as I sat in my hospital room I felt violated, cheated! This was my biologic right. I wanted the journey, the story, and yes maybe even the pain. After hearing woman after woman yelling in the birthing room next to mine, I felt like Rachel from Friends: "Don't bring another woman in here. I can't listen to another baby being born if it isn't mine". But after 3 failed attempts at induction, I saw it coming. "You're going to need a c-section" and "We want to make sure this baby is safe and healthy". I balled. Not at the idea of having major abdominal surgery, but at losing the opportunity to experience a natural childbirth. The door was closed and I had to accept it. I remember my husband and sister in law praying with me just before I went in. We prayed for peace and submission and that's exactly what God gave me. When my little Natalie came out on February 26th, 2011, I realized how silly this whole thing was. I put so much pressure on myself for no reason, really. All that mattered to me in that moment was that God had blessed me with a beautiful healthy baby girl.

One day I do hope to experience natural childbirth but if I don't, that's OK. My idea of birth before was all smoke and mirrors, I know that now. I fabricated a fairy tale that was not meant to be. But I learnt something in the alternative. This child of mine is a gift from God and the packaging she was sent in, though rough and unexpected, never mattered.

The Evolution of Pregnancy Cravings

2010-11-10T13:45:00.001-08:00

Ode to food, how great you are. I don't think I can put into words how much I love food. It is one of the most amazing gifts from God and I am so thankful for it. But I must admit, pregnancy has brought out some pretty crazy truths about my love relationship with food.

As I climb the pregnancy mountain, I feel as though my food cravings have evolved just as much as my mood and body has. In my first trimester, all I wanted to eat was fruit and steak. That was it. One night after work, I had such a hankering for steak I made Steve take me out for some. As he was sitting over his pasta dish, jaw dropped; there I was pounding back a 10 oz steak blissfully. I ate a lot of cow that day. And don't even get me started on the fruit. I would make a huge fruit salad every week and almost always eat the entire thing. As I entered into my second trimester, my days of steak and fruit slowly dwindled.

Trimester 2! A few months ago, I woke up and was overwhelmed with the desire for a glass of milk. Now typically, I don't drink milk. You've got to twist my arms in order to get me to drink milk, unless you put a cookie in front of me and then its game over. Anyways by the end of that day I drank a bag of 1% milk to myself. Steve was a little grossed out at first and now he thinks I've broken some kind of record. We go through 2 3 L bags of milk in a week and I am sad to say, it is mostly my fault.

On behalf of pregnant women everywhere, I want to salute you Subway for producing a truly remarkable sandwich in your new Flatbreads. If you have not gone to Subway and tried the new flatbread sandwich, you are missing out. Oh my goodness, so good. Subway has been my fast food vice during this second round.

For years, I have had one major enemy in the food world: coffee! You may find this ironic as I worked for Groundswell Coffeehouse for 2 years but it's true. I don't know why I dislike coffee so much, I just do. However due to the magic of pregnancy, I have somehow fallen madly in love with decaf coffee. One of my fellow co-workers bought me a cup during a rather long day and BAM! Now I’m hooked.

Gone are my pre-pregnancy days of ice cream cravings I thought I would never get over. I think this has been the biggest food shocker for me. Aside from the random Smartie McFlurry, I have not touched ice cream. Weird...right?

So that's it. Salt is still my dearest friend which is probably not a good thing but hey, whatever. I am just grateful that I have not had any crazy cracked out cravings like peanut butter and pickles or cookies with lamb kabobs. But, I still have another 3 months to go. Pray for me.

The Dreaded 3

2010-11-05T06:26:00.000-07:00

When I first found out I was pregnant, I was overjoyed. I felt great and it seemed as if nothing would ever change that. Until I walked right into the hormonal throws of my first trimester. I can't remember when it all started but think Peru had something to do with it. When I was about 6 weeks pregnant, I was called off on a Mission Trip to Peru. Everything was fine for me until about day 3. All of a sudden I started to feel tired 24/7. I started to get dizzy for no reason. I began to experience nausea like I never had before. To add some context, there are 2 things you should know about me: 1) I am a go getter and so very few things can slow me down and 2) I hate being sick. I'm talking pukie sick. I think in my whole life I have thrown up 6 times and it is because my body literally forced it out. I hate to up chuck, it's the worst. So you can imagine how freaked out I was when it seemed like my whole world was flying out of control in a span of 3 days. I remember working on a construction site chiselling floor and thinking to myself, "Just don't throw up." I must say that the food did not help. Typically I would have devoured my entire plate but under these new circumstances almost everything I ate made me sick. The only exception was a steak house we went to one night. I was sitting around a huge table with about 40 other fellow Christians when they brought out a huge steak dinner. I dived right in a finished that steak in record time. As I enjoyed I could hear myself saying over and over again "Thank you Jesus". It was that good, at least to me. I ended up eating 2 and half huge pieces of steak that night. I did not eat the fries just about 8 pounds of steak, and it was so worth it. When I got home to Canada, I stepped on a scale and realized I had lost 13 pounds. By this point, I was about 8 weeks pregnant and my illness that developed in Peru did not slow down. Work became a nightmare. I would be in the middle of helping a dear old man try to find a good western when all of a sudden, OH NO. I would have to excuse myself and run (literally) to the bathroom. I called in sick so many times during that first trimester, I lost count. One day Steve came home from work and found me on the couch crying. I was almost 12 weeks pregnant and I told him how I felt like a failure. I felt so undependable and useless. I was convinced I was going to lose my job and there was nothing I could do about it. Then, just like that scene in Forest Gump when the rain stops, so did my morning sickness. I could not believe it. I felt amazing, energized. Since then I haven't looked back. So if you are one of those women who went through your first 3 months of pregnancy without a care in the world, urgh to you. I would never wish it upon anyone. But if you were like me, you just have to suck it up and barrel through the dreaded 3. It will get better, I promise.

Why Bookworm Mommy?

2010-11-04T12:51:00.000-07:00

I have always been a closet bookworm. I think growing up it was never something I liked to admit, but it's true. If you ask my mom she'll tell you that most of my weeknights as a pre-teen were spent at our local library. I often felt like Matilda making my way through the children's fiction, then adult. Before I knew it I was embedded in any piece of non-fiction I could get my hands on. To this day, it's still my favourite. I had friends (don't get me wrong), but I felt books gave me something that in most cases my friends could not and that's knowledge.

Throughout my pregnancy I have poured over countless books that have either been passed on to me or that I have stumbled across. I was a little overwhelmed at first. I could not believe how much information and options were provided to me. Since then I've wrested with topics on fertility, weight gain, nutrition, embryo development, postpartum depression, miscarriage, midwifery, doula coaching, labour, delivery, recovery and wow. Back in May, I was scared out of my mind to tackle anything on this subject. But now I honestly say that getting informed was one of the best decisions I could have made. I know that I am still incredibly naive but at least knowing a bit about the storm before it hits makes preparing for it a lot easier to anticipate. Bookworm signing off.

And the pink plus sign means what?!

2010-11-04T11:09:00.000-07:00

I remember the day I found out I was pregnant. It was like any other day really, but I had the day off. There was only one thing I wanted to do, relax. Steve headed off to work and I was left to my own devices. The whole week I just felt like something was different. Something wrong with the car? No. Did I forget someone’s birthday? No. What could it be? I looked at my calendar and quickly realized what it was. I was late. So plans of girly movies and cookie baking were put on hold as I booked it to our local shoppers. As I entered the pharmacy, I felt like everyone knew why I was there. Of course they didn't, I was being paranoid, but I got that feeling most girls get when you're forced to buy sanitary products for the first time. All you want to do is pay and pray you're not recognized, at least that's how I felt. I stared at the wide variety of pregnancy tests and began comparing prices when the rational part of my brain kicked in and yelled "just grab something, woman." So I opted for the 3 pack and I'm glad I did. When I got home I read all the directions and thought "ok, so just pee and wait. Easy enough." I did just that and those 3-5 minutes feel like eternity. I told myself I would not peek until the time was out. When I approached the test I was so nervous, why? I don't know. I looked down and saw what I thought was a pale pink plus sign. Ummm... In that moment I totally forgot what I had read in the instructions. I fished them out of the garbage and gasped. Noooooo. That can't be right. I ran to the fridge and gulp down at least 20 fluid oz of water and waited. 20 minutes later. I held the second test and could not believe it. It was as clear as day. I was pregnant. I started down at my belly and could not believe it. This part of me that was once filled with leftover meatloaf now held my first child. I could not think of anything else all day long. This was about noon. I had to wait 4 more hours before Steve came home. How would I tell him? What would he say? After an hour of deliberating I decided I would make Steve a nice dinner and surprise him with the test. And that's exactly what I did. I still remember giving Steve the box. I think he thought it was a watch or something. Layers and layers of tissue paper finally revealed the sobering truth. He looked down and went blank. "I'm pregnant." He just kept his head down processing what he just heard. I was a little worried. But shock turned to excitement in the span of a minute. He looked up at me and smiled. I've never seen him smile like that before or since. We just held each other and laughed. It was a surreal experience, but I don't think I could have planned it any better.

My Mission?

2010-11-04T10:14:00.000-07:00

I have always loved to write. For no one in particular, just me. Having the freedom to put my thoughts to paper has always felt so gratifying. It's like emptying out an old dresser or finally cleaning out the glove compartment, it just helps. I work as a small town librarian surrounded by the same people everyday. I must be a yokel at heart, because I love it. I love the sounds and the smells. I love the same old boring routine everyday. I never want to be a Carrie Bradshaw or a Miranda Priestly, just an Anne Shirley (minus the whole orphan thing). I am getting off topic. Anyways, I was working one afternoon sorting through parenting books when a bundle of handwritten notes fell out of one of them. I knelt down and pick them up. In bright pink writing, there were letters written by a young mother to her unborn daughter. I thought to myself, "Writing to your unborn child, really?" And then it happened. I had a flash forward image of this poor woman pouring her heart out to a kid who very well might grow up to be an ungratefully little brat. I thought "What's the point?" God certainly has an interesting sense of humour because 2 weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. Being the only pregnant librarian in my town is quite unusual. As you may have guessed, all my coworkers are woman and the majority are over the age of 50. I feel most of the time that I am getting advice from 12 different versions of my mom. I think that's another reason why I love my job so much, it's like a family. Off topic again. I guess you could say this woman and her letters inspired me to do the same. Not write love letters to my little androgynous baby or anything like that, just write. So that's my mission.

And so it begins

2010-11-04T09:34:00.000-07:00

Why does anyone start blogging? It is a legitimate question. I set out on this written project not really knowing what I was going to get out of it. I think there has always been a part of me, the creative part that has been brushed under the rug of my career, marriage, and social life. This morning I work up and thought, "I have something to say". I know most of the time no one really wants to hear it, but I think just getting it out makes all the difference.